“Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do.“-  Gian-Carlo Menoi

This quote stops me.  It forces me to look, to really search for who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing.  When I can say “I’ve done my best,” I can say I’m done.  Until then, I must continue to do as Paul the Apostle when he says:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

I don’t want to waste a sunrise.

I’m having some voice identity issues with SoulFit.  Bottom line is I’m not sure who I am or should be as I write.  Should I be Pastor, Soul Coach or Mountain-top Meditator?  The answer really depends on the objective of SoulFit.  My hope is that it can be a tangible aid for the sometimes intangible aim of spiritual growth.  With this in mind I’m making some modifications.
Originally, I envisioned it a Crossfit-esque weekly workout site with supplementary posts throughout the week – almost a dispassionate presentation of activities.   The workouts won’t change – though I’m hesitant to use weekly in the description. What will change is the addition of me.

Entropy

Part of the motivation of SoulFit was to help me grow. The posted workouts are ones that I’ve done in the past or am doing now.  I know that without focused attention on growing spiritually I tend towards a state of soul-entropy.  Just as in nature, I’ll move from order to disorder if I don’t apply conscious effort to this soul cultivation.  So, rather than keep me out and separate, I plan on including my efforts at dealing with the up and down, order and disorder, roller-coaster ride of my own soul development and thoughts.  SoulFit thus becomes more of what I call “Autoblographical” in nature and less machinated and dispassionate.
I welcome and need your comments, thoughts and inputs as entropy works in an isolated system.  Pull up a chair and come along for the ride.

“The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms” - Socrates

Recently I was asked if I still love someone.  The question is an interesting one because this person is one I’ve known for a while and been extremely close to and who has brought a cargoship-load of hurt.  My response was “Uh…what do you mean by LOVE?”  I was only partly being evasive.  In this week of soul-testing and spiritual fruit evaluation I can’t help but come back to this question of what love means and work on defining terms.

When I go to webster.com to define love I get

1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child>

Paul in the the bible at 1 Corinthians gives us his insight with

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Some things I find not too difficult to accept when it comes to a definition of love.  First, it is a feeling – at least sometimes.  There’s even some research that suggests that the feelings of being in love (the “obsessive thinking about one’s beloved, craving for union with him or her, euphoria, and increased energy”) are related to a chemical called the nerve growth factor (NGF).  An interesting finding in this study was that the NGF levels were elevated in couples who were newly in love but decreased after a year or so to matched levels of those of couples who have been in a relationship for a longer period of time.

Secondly, love can be defined by its actions, e.g. it’s patient and polite, it protects, it perseveres. Love can be defined with verbs.  The verse from 1 Corinthians is an example of love as a verb.  The greek word in that verse is agape and it’s a noun that acts like a verb.  This word, like much of the greek language, takes on many meanings depending on context but, for me at least, always include three major concepts.

• First, agape love is unconditional. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t require something first – or after – to act.  There are no “what’s in if for me?” negotiations or “if-then” statements associated with agape.

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  Secondly, agape love is for everyone. You really are supposed to love your enemies too.  There’s this same tension in the following from wikipedia:

In Confucianism, lian is a virtuous benevolent love. Lian should be pursued by all human beings, and reflects a moral life. The Chinese philosopher Mozi developed the concept of ai (?) in reaction to Confucian lian. Ai, in Mohism, is universal love towards all beings, not just towards friends or family, without regard to reciprocation. Extravagance and offensive war are inimical to ai.

• Finally, agape is permanent.  When all is finished and all is complete “these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”  There’s no divorce in agape; it is perpetual and never ending.

“Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being ‘in love’, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other … and when all the pretty blossom has fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”  -Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (from John Harris)

So, back to the question:  Do I still love this person?  Well if webster.com asks me then my feelings of warmth and affection have definitely cooled.  If 1 Corinthians 13 asks, and I get to respond on a scale of 1-10, then I can muster up a weak…”yes”.  I  recognize the immaturity in myself that makes me equivocate and vacillate on whether I can still love someone who has hurt me.  I also recognize that this immaturity weakens my soul.  This is where the love as a choice comes in and must supersede and override the feeling.  The question asked was ‘do I still love’ but maybe it’s better presented as “Will I choose to love?”

Fall seven times, stand up eight.- Japanese Proverb

If you’re planning a long backpacking or hiking trip you take the time to consider what gear you want to bring along.  Everything you bring you carry and everything you carry weighs something.  The more you bring the more your back must bear.  You whittle the list until you’re sure it’s down to the essentials, the things you need to do what you need to do.

When I think of packing for life and my soul there are several essential character traits that I want to make sure I bring with me.  One of these is perseverance.  Perseverance is defined as a “steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.”

It’s not a common trait seen on the trail of life.  Shakespeare has this to say about it:

Perseverance, dear, my lord,
Keeps honour bright: To have done, is to hang
Quite out of fashion, like a rusty nail
In monumental mockery.

How do we develop this?  One word – suffer.  The more you suffer the more you require perseverance.  It’s produced in your soul in the amount that is demanded.  If you live a life of ease and repose you’ll require very little.  If your goals, dreams and aspirations challenge, prod and spur you on your perseverance tank will fill commensurately.  Like a muscle, perseverance will adapt and grow stronger only to the level of stress that you bring to it.  Lift heavier weights get a stronger back.  As you persist through more difficult trials you will develop more perseverance.

The thing about perseverance too is that it’s not the end result.  If that was it what a downer it would be.  So, if perseverance is produced by suffering, what’s next?  What does perseverance develop?  Character.  And after character comes hope.  Yep, the path to hope goes through pain.  It’s why one author in the bible says that we are to consider hard times and trials with joy because we know good things are produced in us, in our souls.

Sorry there’s no quick fix, no pill one can swallow to get this.  There’s only one way up this mountain and it’s the hard way.  So what are you going to do?  How about fall seven times, stand up eight.  Fall again?  Get up again. And again.  And again.  Don’t quit.  Don’t give up.  As Thomas Edison says

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Found this story on the web years ago and when I think about goals-setting and goal accomplishing, about finishing the race, I think about this.

Her goal was the California coastline –a 34 km swim from Catalina Island. It was no more distant than the width of the English Channel, a goal she had already conquered as the first woman to swim it from both directions. Although she was a seasoned long-distance swimmer with incredible stamina, she trained arduously to prepare herself to achieve her goal.

July 4th, 1952
Millions watched on national television, as 34 year old Florence Chadwick began her swim. The water was icy cold; the fog — so thick she could hardly see the support boats alongside her. As the hours passed, she was repeatedly stung by jellyfish. Sharks had to be driven away with rifles. Yet she pressed on, determined to achieve her goal.

15 hours later
Numbed with the cold, she was ready to give up. Her mother and her trainer were in a boat at her side. “Florence. You are almost there. Don’t give up now.” Encouraged by her mother’s admonition, she continued to swim.

Failure
Fifteen hours and fifty minutes after she began her swim, the support team reluctantly agreed to pull Florence from the water. Several hours later, after she warmed up, she realized she had given up only a few hundred meters from her goal! If she had continued just a little while longer, the waves would have carried her to the beach. “If I could have just seen the land for myself, I would have made it!”. She told reporters it was not the sharks, the fatigue, or even the cold water that defeated her. She had been defeated by the fog alone. It had obscured her goal and blinded her reason, her eyes and her heart.

Never give in to defeat.
1952 was the only time Florence Chadwick ever quit. Two months later she swam that same channel. The water was still ice cold and still inhabited with sharks. Once again fog obscured her view. But this time she pressed on, BELIEVING that somewhere beyond that fog, her goal would be reached. Not only was she the first woman to swim the Catalina Channel, but she beat the men’s record by two hours!

No, not be poor or don’t have money but “be last” with money. I don’t always have a lot of it but I want to be conscious of how I spend it.  How we deal with money can tell about us. The question for our soul is not how much money we have but rather how much does the money have us. See, it’s not the having of money that’s a problem it’s the love of money that is the kill our soul.

How do you know if you love money? How do you know if you love you anything or anybody?

• You think about it all the time.
• You want to be together all the time.
• You feel sad or anxious when apart.
• You change your schedule to be with it.
• Your friends and family are less of a priority.

John Maxwell says that he can tell what a person’s priorities are by looking at two things:  their calendar and their checkbook.  Take a some time to check yourself.  What does your checkbook say about your priorities, your position in life?  Are you putting yourself first or others? Where are you in this money relationship?

One of the nicesest thing my wife ever said about me was her response to someone at church who had asked her if I was a nice person.  They’d asked me first and I said let’s go ask my wife.  She jokingly (?) replied that “nice” wasn’t the first adjective that came to mind but that what you saw is what you got.  She said I was the same at church as I was at home.  I’ve always remembered that and worked to make that statement true.

A large part of making the soul strong is to work at removing the multiple “me’s” in our lives.  So often we behave one way at one place and a different way at another.  This weakens us, especially when these differences are manifested at home.  We’re polite and positive (hopefully) at work then we come home and we’re grumpy, disrespectful and rude – and this with the people we love!  We too often have given our best at work and what remains is dumped unceremoniously on our family.

For this week’s workout I’m working on being conscious of “being last” not just at work, on the street or at the mall but also, and to me more importantly, at home.  Here’s some ideas:

1. First, be aware.  Think and ask yourself what you could do or say that would place your spouse before you, in the first place of your life then do it or say it.  There are different ways that we can give and receive love and what might make you feel important might not for your spouse.  If you don’t know or are uncertain, ask.
2. If you’ve been at work all day (or at home all day), take a few minutes, pause in the garage or in the car to re-center, re-focus, re-align.  We do it at work when preparing for a project meeting let’s do it for the daily reunion with our families.  This initial reconnection with our spouse can make or break the rest of the night.  It’s vitally important so let’s treat it that way.
3. If you have children recognize that they have needs too and will want to press and play and be the center of your attention.  Give them that gift.  Before you relax or unwind or take time out for yourself, give them your attention, put them before you.  Yes, some days it’s harder than others but that’s the what make this a workout.
4. With your parents, brothers or sisters recognize that sometimes we take the people who’s lives are irrevocably tied and connected to us and we place them far down on the priority list.  Sometimes all it takes is for us to remember how important they are.  I see it happen all the time – the problem is that it’s usually at funerals.  Don’t wait to put the people you love in their place.  Give that inch, that little bit of “extra”, that says you value who they are.  Do it with the small things too, the movies for the family movie night, the dishes, the clothes, the last cookie – all of these things give you opportunity to put the other person before you.

One of the questions people who lift weights often hear is “Eh, how much you bench?”  That bench pressing score, the weight you squat or deadlift, how fast you run a mile or 5k – these are all indicators of physical strength and vitality.  Your relationship with your family, you husband or wife, your connection with your children, these are indicators or strength and vitality as well.  When the the physical and the emotional are both strong, our souls are strong.

Let’s do this!

Q:  How does this work?
Once a week, on Monday, we put up an activity, a workout, that strengthens the soul.  Usually focusing on a particular soul muscle group (e.g. joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc), these workouts are listed in the “Workouts” category. Through the week thoughts, quotes, images etc. will be posted to supplement the main workout.

Some of the workouts may be easier  – it’ll help to identify strengths and weaknesses.  Spiritual workouts may overlap the physical and vice versa.  We believe there is a connection between mind, body and soul.

One thing that we believe will help is to not workout alone.  Do the workouts with your family and friends.  Talk about them, share your observations and your insights.  It’s like having a running partner who loves to run – they’ll keep you going and get you going faster and stronger.

Q: Who is this for?
Those who need stronger souls.  Paul, the writer of a large portion of the New Testament, says that we are in a battle, a war that is fought not in or against flesh and blood but in the spirit.  If you know you’re in a fight you train differently.  People who workout the physical in a health club on the treadmill for 30 minutes, three days a week are not in shape to fight.  Most of us train the spiritual the same way.  Maybe once or twice a week we head  to a church, check it off our to-do list, wipe the sweat from our brow, grab a latte and consider ourselves spiritual.  We’re not in shape to fight.  SoulFit hopes to change the way we train so that ultimately we can fight the good fight.

Q:  Is this a “religious” thing?
If religion has to do with living powerfully and fully with purpose and meaning than YES!  If by religion you mean a set of rules and regulations on what and what not to do than no. The word religion has gotten a bad rap in the last 20 years.  Religion (where religion is a man-made system of faith and worship) has a tendency to over simplify.  Do this, don’t do that.  This is good, that is bad.  Religion has often drawn sharp, clear-cut black and white lines in our world.  The soul, the spirit, is difficult to define and hard to quantify.  Today’s religion would much prefer to dogma-tize than to say “I don’t know.”

Q:  Do I have to a Christian to participate?
No. While our background is predominately Protestant in religious education and training we’ve found that much of the contemporary Christian church doesn’t provide enough weight to the bar to make the spirit grow.  In exercise theory, muscles grow when they’re stressed or challenged beyond where they’ve been before.  If you keep benchpressing 135lbs. your body will reach a plateau and stop getting stronger.  Once you put more stress on the muscle (e.g. increase the poundage or the number of reps) the muscle is forced to grow.  Stop adding weight and stop the growth.  You don’t need a background in any religion to workout with us.  You do need to want it.  These workouts will more than likely (hopefully?) bother Christians and non-Christians alike.  Some will criticize it as not having enough bible verses, others will say to much.  People will be happy/unhappy if we quote Confucius.  Can’t make everyone happy…If your soul grows stronger, we’ll be happy.

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I’m trying hard during this week’s focus on thankfulness and gratitude to think of people I consider marked by these things.  Here’s a definition for gratitude:

gratitude:
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness : she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support.
ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French, or from medieval Latin gratitudo, from Latin gratus ‘pleasing, thankful.’

I can list people who are powerful leaders, compelling communicators or gifted athletes but I’m having a hard time coming up with names of persons who are marked by this readiness to appreciate and return kindness.

Can you do me a favor and list down some people, past or present, who fit this description?