What are you doing to strengthen the relationships in your life?

Workout: Think about your relationships and list ways you can strengthen them.

Muscles don’t grow accidentally.  They get stronger when they’re used.  You don’t get strong sitting on the couch.  Squats, bench press, deadlifts, pushups and pullups all work to increase a specific muscle group’s capacity to work – to move, to lift, to carry.  An exercise like the squat will improve  a large muscle group (I’ve heard that it works more muscles collectively than any other exercise.).  The bicep curl will target a very specific area.  In fact, if I do a variation called the “concentration curl” I can, theoretically, apply more focus and targeted stress to that muscle. Then when I go to the beach…

Now, think about what activities or exercises you will do to strengthen your relationships.  If you want to grow your leg muscles you would ______.  If you want to grow the relationship with your spouse you would __________

Take the following “muscles” and make a list of ways to strengthen them. 

• Family: Consider your family relationships, your spouse, children, parents, siblings, uncles, cousins, etc.

• Friends: Not all 724 of your Facebook friends but those who you know you can count on, who have been there and will be there for you .

• ?? – Shucks.  I was going for three categories but can’t think of relationships outside of my family and friends should be at this level of prioritization.  If you have some I missed put them in the comments below.

I do have one other muscle that you should work on that will, like the squat, affect ALL your other relationships and it’s called YOU.

If you improve the personal, emotional, physical and spiritual YOU ALL your relationships, all of them, will improve; I firmly believe this.  As you grow in maturity you are no longer fickle, blown here and there or whimsical.  YOU are stronger.  This type of development requires an exercise like the squat that makes your whole body develop.  Attending church, prayer, or meditation would fall into this type of exercise.  Also, deliberately and consciously “being in the Presence,” regardless of where you are (walking, exercising, working) will contribute to overall YOU development.  One way to start is to look at obvious areas of improvement.  It is often easier to address physical weaknesses or health areas than emotional ones.  I do think, though, that the things you learn in the gym are transferable to other areas of your life.

People sometimes criticize this approach as being too humanistic or Robbin-ist (Tony Robbins-like, i.e. self-help) but where the ends are the same – personal transformation – the means are distinctly different.  How you get there really does matter.

Workout:  Give someone money.

However much you want.  Just give.

Workout:  Describe or list the attributes of what equals a “Good Day” for you.

A few weeks back I had what I considered a really good work day.  It started with an exciting problem-solving meeting with a friend and client in the morning, then a cup of coffee  in one of my favorite book stores skimming the new book section, and later another meeting with a potential client brainstorming how to grow their business.   I drove home that afternoon feeling pretty darn positive about the whole day.  I realized that there are certain elements that make up that proverbial “good day” for me, i.e.challenging assignments that I feel contribute in a meaningful way to helping people.  If that happens I’m singing a pretty happy tune.

Speaking of singing, every time I hear the phrase “it was a good day” I always fill it in with Ice Cube’s “didn’t have to use my A.K.”  I went and found the lyrics and now have a pretty good idea of what Ice Cube characterizes (at least back then in this rap) as a good day

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don’t know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dogs, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog

Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.
Today was a good day

Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.
Today was a good day

…
Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day.

Essentially, his list includes:

• No barking dogs
• No hog (bacon) for breakfast
• No AK-47 assault rifle usage
• Meeting with a pretty girl
• Good rolls in dice game
• Excellent basketball performance reminiscent of Michael Jordan

Your good day may (hopefully, in some of those cases) differ from Ice Cube’s.  Regardless, he has a pretty clear vision of what is “good” for him.  When you have this vision the next step is figuring out how to make it consistently happen.

Think about what equals a good day for you

• at work
• at home
• vacationing or on a day off

If I add these up I begin to get a picture of what a good week might look like and a good month or year.  Put them all together and those good days, months and years total life.  Go for it!

***Link to youtube video of Ice Cube’s “It was a good day.”  NOT WFS (work/family/safe)!! It’s Ice Cube!! ***

Three Questions:
1.  Who is/are your role model(s)?  What
2.  Where do you fall short of walking the thoughts and the talk?
3. Who is following you and do you want them to go where you’re heading?

Last week I wrote about thinking, about being conscious and aware of what goes on in our minds.  The apostle Paul, in the letter to the Phillipians instructs us to consider those things that are true, noble, right – good things.  That’s in verse 8.  Over the past 20+ years I think I’ve quoted that verse about a thousand times more than the one immediately following.  Verse 8 is beautiful, one of my favorites.  Verse 9 is one of the most difficult and arduous things imaginable – do it.

Paul says that as we think noble thoughts we are to do noble things.  We are to put into practice, he admonishes, those things we have seen him do or heard him say. Essentially, we’re not just to think good, we are to do good, do pure, do right.  Walking what we’re talking about; walking what we are thinking about.

When you add in verse 9 it presupposes someone in our life that has contributed to who we are and how we are.  It assumes there is (was) someone we could model ourselves after, we could follow behind and learn from. Who is that person in your life?  A parent, a friend, teacher or coach?  What did they do that made them that person for you? Do those things too.

I’ll also suggest (and here it adds a bit more pressure) that there is someone following us, or that there should be, and we should be thinking, walking and doing in such a way that our “followers” benefit from it.  Your friends, co-workers, spouse, and children – even the people driving next to you on the freeway are watching where you’re going. Consider these questions:

• Husbands/Wives, do you want your wife/husband to be thinking and doing what you are thinking and doing?
• Parents, do you want your children to be where you are when they grow up?
• Would you even want the people around you to know what you’re thinking?

If not, think and DO something about it.  It may be a slow process of change but pick one thing you’re not doing that you should and try and add it into your life.  Or, take out just one thing you’re doing that you should not be doing and get rid of it.  Pick small things first and get stronger.  As your success rate increases your confidence to take on the larger dos/don’ts will too.

Show up; keep it up.  We’re talking about long term changes.  If you miss one, get back and try again.  Don’t beat yourself up over it.  That’s why it’s called practice.  Make an inventory of YOU and what you’re trying to do.  Checklist are motivating when you see progress.

Don’t forget verse 9.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. Phil. 4:8 AND 9

WORKOUT:  1.  This week spend time thinking about what you think about.  2.  Thing about these things (Phil. 4:8)

For the past couple of months I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about — stuff.  House stuff, gardening stuff, work stuff, family stuff, ocean stuff.  Not too much spiritual stuff.  Not much of the stuff that strengthens my soul just a lot of lounging on the spiritual couch.  So, now it’s the start of a new year and nothing like that turn into January to get me thinking about spirituality and soul fitness again.

TOMA
I guess one of the good things about going to church every Sunday is that you’re reminded (gently or otherwise depending on your persuasion) about that soul part of you.  Since I haven’t been attending church (you should probably ask why so I have to explain it) that at-least-once-a-week-reminder hasn’t been in place and I’ve had to try to keep it TOMA on my own.  In the marketing/business world lingo TOMA stands for Top Of Mind Awareness and it’s what commercials are designed to get from you.  When you’re hungry, McDonald’s wants you to think of a Big Mac FIRST before any other hamburger, taco or pizza.  If you do, then Mikey D’s would be at your TOMA. My life TOMA recently has been filled with stuff non-spiritual.

You are What You Think About
Gluten-free, Fat-free, free-range, sugar-free, grass-fed — the adjectives that describe the quality of our food are now increasingly entering our awareness.  That old adage “you are what you eat” is more relevant than ever with the premise being if you want to be healthier eat better food.  I can follow that for the body but what about the soul?  How do I get soul healthy, soul fit? What do I need to eat?  What pill can I take?  What book series, sermon, church/pastor, cd, should I read, listen to attend??

I have a short answer for you:  whichever, whatever or whoever helps you to keep that spiritual part of you at the highest TOMA, the longest and most consistently.  For some people that means going to church on Sunday morning and evening and mid-week fellowship groups.  For others those exercises are more distracting than focusing.

One guy I talked to recently told me that he used to spend his Sundays looking for God at church.  He said that the politics and problems in that community were so frustrating for him that he gassed up his dirt bike and has been spending his Sundays looking for, and more often meeting with, God up in the mountains on the trails.

Others find that regularly reading the bible in the morning, spending quiet times with God, listening to certain types of music before they begin their day stays with them through their day.

Use it or Lose it
Normally, the soul, the spirit, almost by definition, is intangible, that which we cannot touch, see, hear with our normal senses.  There are physical things, though, tangible things like books, music, etc., that affect the spiritual part of me, some more than others.  Certain people even help me to keep my attention on spiritual things.  If I want to be stronger spiritually, if I want my soul to be fit, I must use it, exercise it, turn it on, more often and with increasing intensity.

Where Your Attention Goes, Your Energy Flows
So, what do we think about?  Think about it.  What touches your soul?  What reaches your spirit?  Paul the Apostle, in his letter to the church at Phillippi, says

“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This is the workout this week:  Focus our attention on such things for as long as we can, AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible). Post times and challenges and thoughts to comments.

People nowadays talk about the need to put down the remote (and the fork) and get your body moving but have you considered that your feelings need working out too?  There’s a great word, apathetic, that I see too much of.  Here’s Webster’s definition:

Main Entry: ap·a·thet·ic

Pronunciation: \?a-p?-?the-tik\

Function: adjective

Date: 1744

1 : having or showing little or no feeling or emotion : spiritless
2 : having little or no interest or concern : indifferent

synonyms see impassive

— ap·a·thet·i·cal·ly
\-ti-k(?-)l?\ adverb

Interesting synonym in “spiritless.”  Apathy is from a Greek word that means literally without patheia, no passion or feeling.  Wikipedia describes it as being linked to the phrase made widely known during World War I called “shell shocked” used to describe soldiers who grew numb and desensitized to the horrors of war.

Thankfully, most of us haven’t had to go through that level of intensity and despair but if we look around and within we see what I consider alarming numbness

What does it take to get your emotional self off the couch? Do you feel anymore?  Do you allow yourself to feel?  When was the last time you cried? You can tell a lot about yourself by looking at what moves you – what makes you feel happy, sad or mad – or by your lack of movement emotionally.

Start by making a list of movies that have made you cry.

Here’s some of mine:

• The Notebook - if you didn’t cry in this one something is wrong.  Don’t get married unless your boyfriend/girlfriend broke down at the end…
• The Lion King - my kids had to move a couple of rows over in the theater during this show so they wouldn’t get sloshed by my sobs.  When Mufasa died, when the older Simba looked up in the sky and heard his father speaking to him, when Simba gazed out over the land at the end – all tear-worthy.
• Whale Rider – one of my all time favorites!  I lose it (gain it?) every time Paikea gives her speech – “My name is Paikea.  I come from a long line of chiefs.”  Even just writing that – ooohh, chicken skin!

What about you?  Put some titles in the comments.  Allow some patheia in your life.

Cleaning up the other day I found loads of old pictures, love letters and a few missing marbles.  I couldn’t help but have a warm feeling of gratefulness down in my na`au (guts) as I sat down (on a short break) and reminisced.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “Plans to prosper you not to harm you…”  God has been good to me, marvelously so, and I’m thankful.

Workout:  Journal, 5 minutes each day this week, on two things:
1.  What you are thankful for; and
2.  What you need to DO to be happier.

Don’t get me wrong on this one:  I’m not trying to move into a grateful-secular-humanism.  I do know, however, that there are times when God has shown me where to walk and how to walk and I’ve chosen to follow do it, much to my detriment, my way.  What can you Do?  What do you know you have to do?  5 minutes a day.  Do it.

I heard that the world is coming to an end soon – specifically, December 21, 2012.    The Mayan long count calendar ends on that day and people are speculating (wildly?) that something cataclysmic and world changing will occur. USA Today “clarifies”

Part of the 2012 mystique stems from the stars. On the winter solstice in 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years. This means that “whatever energy typically streams to Earth from the center of the Milky Way will indeed be disrupted on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. Universal Time,”

Predictions range from end of the world apocalypse and doom to a new age of love and a dawning “age of Aquarius.” My question, and the SoulFit workout, is SO WHAT?  If the world IS indeed ending 1229 days from now, what will you do differently now?  If you really had the three years or so left, would that affect your actions, priorities, and plans?

Take a half-hour, or at least 15 minutes, to think about this.  Are there things you would regret or places you would have wanted to see?  Are you doing that which is truly important and meaningful?

Workout:  When someone this week frustrates you, angers you, attacks you, belittles you, excludes you, disrespects you, looks down on you, shuns you, ignores you — PRAY FOR THEM.

To be successful in this workout you must be able to take control of your emotions and be aware of your feelings in the moment.  When you find your emotions getting hotter, you have to be conscious enough to “stop-drop-and-roll” on them.  Redirect your energy to praying blessings, good things, positive things for the person.  Look for opportunities driving, at work, the supermarket, at school or in your neighborhood.

This translation of Matthew 5 communicates the idea of being mature enough to pray for and hope for the best FOR those people who won’t be praying for you.

This is Strong Soul stuff.

43-47″You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
48″In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”– Jesus

Workout:  Challenge yourself physically

There’s such a strong connection between the condition of our body and the condition of our soul.  Seeing changes in the body is sometimes much easier.  This week take advantage of the link and do something physically demanding – at whatever level you are.  If you are a runner than add some distance.  If the only time you’ve broken a sweat recently is when the AC was broken than take a daily 10 minute walk around the block or do 10 pushups.  Look for and feel the relationship between your body and soul.